Zweisamkeit
by emiliesimagination
Summary: This is not strictly Skam, but Druck (the German version). What happened with Alex and Mia after their kiss in episode 10 (Season 2).


Mia had had a mess of a day, a hell of a week - as in literal hell. And judging by the shadows around Alex's eyes he hadn't fared much better. Therefore it came as no surprise that the very Friday night the Crew had planned to spend celebrating Sam's birthday, had ended in Alexander's apartment with more tears than could be healthy for anyone's hydration levels.

The past two weeks, in particular, had left their marks. Mia knew what depression felt like and this had been too close for comfort. She'd spent days in bed without ever sleeping and as a result, the fatigue had reduced her to wallowing mess. And every time she'd seen Alex things had spiraled downwards at an increased speed.

It had confused her to no end. Mia had prided herself on her ability to read others, Alex in particular. Having him break things off because of a business course in London that wouldn't start until late summer, had made no sense at all. Or maybe it had, maybe this - whatever this was between them - had never mattered to him enough. Once that thought had occurred to her, it stuck. It stuck so well that she couldn't decide if she missed Alex or wanted to punch him. A serious punch, with real power behind it. Right into his perfect jaw, the very one she had kissed and traced with her fingers over only weeks ago.

Alex had lain ruin to enough of her morals, and violence was the one thing she strictly refrained from. Sadly, punching the douchebag - because kissing was very much out of the picture now - did not qualify as self-defense.

Maybe forcing him to interact with her was the only way forward? So she had typed out more than one message only to delete them all before pressing send.

Fuck London, fuck the business course, fuck Björn, fuck our parents, fuck you, did not make for a compelling counterargument. What was she even arguing against? Alex's broken ego or her own bitter and hurt pride?

On Thursday evening, Hannah had once again proven to be the type of best friend every girl should have at least one of. She had talked to Sam, both of the Sams actually. One had agreed to celebrate her birthday with Mia with a breakfast date next Monday, and the other had revealed Alex to be enjoying his new found freedom in the skating park most evenings.

IIF YOU DON'T TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, ILL KEY HIS STUPID CAR AND DO IT MYSELF, Hannah had written in all caps.

Love, the very word Mia had been pushing far, far away since Alex had become more than the stereotypical, arrogant asshole deriving to school in a Porsche. She was afraid, scared to death if she was honest. Mia had never considered herself in love before, infatuated sure, but never love. The notion that this was what tied her to Alex scared the living crap out of her.

Now that he had called it quits, confessing her deepest feelings seemed absurd. She hated how vulnerable it would make her, leave her entire flank exposed. But then, she also knew that Alex was not just another in a (very short) row of people she had kissed. He was the person that crept into her dreams and invaded her mind with memories of his voice and laughter. He had set up camp in her heart permanently, without the 50 euro per night fee. That's why she'd rather not know if he didn't feel the same way. Ignorance was bliss, she had told herself.

But ignorance was not a concept Mia could tolerate for long. It had taken her the entire day but once she had set a foot outside her apartment the doubts shrunk with every step and kept to the back of her mind. She opted to walk instead of taking the bus and the cold air made her face numb and sensitive all at the same time. She'd make him listen and tell him the whole truth. He had to see reason, wouldn't he?

Her hands had grown into ice around the bottles of soda she'd brought when the door to the skateboarding hall had finally opened to reveal Alex's unmistakable frame. He had looked sad and as miserable as she had felt but he had listened. The reluctance and how he had leaned away from her whenever possible had made her heart stutter and tears rise in her eyes. But she had hit something within him and the cold and indifferent eyes had grown wide with both relief and what was unmistakably love. And kissing him had never tasted sweeter.

Really, fuck you Timbuktu.

Ah yes, the tears.

They had kissed and hugged until the February air had penetrated their heated skin hidden under layers of wool. He had taken her to his car and Mia had never been more relieved to see the sleek leather inside of his Porsche.

She'd kept her hand across the center console toying with his right hand on the way home. It was, in fact, the first time she had agreed to enter the Porsche on the passenger seat. Alex did have a few years head start when it came to navigating his way through Berlin and she was in no state to drive. The stupid smile he couldn't hide, she caught Alex press his lips together in an effort to keep them from rising up into a ridiculous grin. She hadn't seen him this happy since the few days of bliss that had been the semester holidays. His cheeks were pink and the warmth in his eyes when he looked over made her insides twist and heat up in the most delicious ways. So much so that by the time he had parked them in front of his apartment building, her eyes were swimming in tears.

Alex swiped his thumb across her cheeks before unlocking the door. They lingered in the frame until he placed a kiss to her forehead and the look they shared spoke volumes. I love you had been the easy part. Love couldn't erase the past week and both of them knew it. This would be a long, long night.

"Please don't ever do this to me again," said Mia. She had curled up on the living room couch while Alex poured hot chocolate into mugs. The fridge provided an ominous background noise that stretched the silence between them. "I know that this," she gestured in Alex general direction „Will take work, so much work. But I can't take the silence. It wasn't fair and no matter how shitty things get we have to find a way to communicate that."

Alex stopped inches from where she was sitting. The chocolate swayed precariously in the mugs as he sat them on the table. He didn't sit down, but fixed her with his eyes and Mia knew this was not the moment to avert her gaze, no matter how heated her cheeks got.

"I am sorry, you know that. If I could go back and change how things played out, I would. I never set out to hurt you, not intentionally."

Mia swallowed around the lump in her throat. The raw earnestness in his words tucked at her heart in the most painful ways. O,h how she wished they could jump past this to cuddles and kisses and waking up in the same bed. She should have brought the whole box of tissues, the tears were already announcing their return.

"There are many things I regret, and I think you do too," Alex sat, far enough away for another person to squeeze between them. "But if there is one thing I've taken away from it, it's that honesty isn't optional; not If we want to make this work. And in honesty, I would have probably reacted the same way again. That doesn't make it right but it's true nevertheless. Before you, there was no one who relied on me, who expected things. I've disappeared before, multiple times, and Sam knew the rough outlines so it was never a problem."

"It is now," Mia toyed with the handle of her mug.

"Yes, it is. In reality, it always has been. And this is me telling you that I'm aware that it's an issue. I will work on it. I have an appointment with my old psychologist on Tuesday. But it won't be a quick fix, not by a long shot"

"So what if it happens again?"

"I will talk to Sam," Alex had started twisting his rings and his foot tapping made the couch vibrate ever so slightly. Mia wished she could pull him towards her and hug him tight for the next hour. Physical actions seemed so much easier because words were complicated and they hurt.

"I don't intend for this to happen again, but I'll give you my parents' numbers. They are not the warmest people but after Sophie, they won't turn you away. I know it's not the perfect solution. But if this means as much to you as it does to me, I want you to know that this is not an empty promise. And I have to hope that it's enough."

"Thank you," Mia put the mug back down and reached for Alex's hand instead. It felt hot against her skin and when she squeezed it he closed his fingers around hers. "Thank you for giving us a chance. I felt so so stupid, but you breaking up with me hurt so much more than I wanted it to. And part of it is my fault. I was never totally honest, not to you and not with myself. The first time things got hard with Kikki, I was ready to run and I did. So, as much as I hated what you did, I can't blame just you."

They stared at each other in silence. Mia's heart raced in her chest and Alex looked as close to tears as she felt. He exhaled and nodded for her to continue. "I didn't listen to you after you resurfaced. Part of it was revenge I think and the other part fear. I don't understand physical violence. I know why you did it and I can't fault you for it now but then it felt like a betrayal. I couldn't look at you without hearing you crack Björns ribs and I wasn't brave enough to hear your side of the story regardless."

Mia swiped away a stray tear and scooted closer to Alex. "Just like the butterfly effect really. We made minor mistakes and things spiraled out of control so quickly. I hope you can forgive me, I know I forgive you," she squeezed his hands again and looked up to find a tear making its way down his cheek. "I love you, so so much, and for now that is enough. I'm sure of that."

"Of course I forgive you," Alex said and pulled her even closer and Mia felt his whole frame tremble as he did. They ended up hard hugging half spooning on the couch. "I love you," he traced the shell of her ear with his nose. "I love you, I love you so much."

He kissed the parts of her face he could reach and Mia felt the warmth from his body overpower her own. With her head against his chest and her arms wound around his torso, the tears fell again. But Alex kept tracing circles on her back and pressing kisses to her temple and hair. Words hurt but pain could be cathartic. Mia felt a million times better no as if the thing that had slowly broken and splinter over the past week had been restored to its untouched state. The most important things were out in the open and as long as they had the truth between them things would work out.

Time slowed or increased tenfold, Mia couldn't tell. But after a while, Alex's movements had seized and her sobs had given way to the humming of the fridge. She felt his chest rise and fall in turn with his breaths. Just when she was sure he had fallen asleep Mia suddenly found herself being flipped over and off the couch. Before she could even register the impact - softened by the plush carpet covering his living room floor - Alex was already celebrating his victory, on his hands and knees hovering above her with his chest was heaving.

"I got you this time, no sleeping on the couch in my house," he had positioned his face inches above her own.

"On the carpet then?" Mia tilted her head up but he pulled away before their noses could touch. "Doesn't seem very Mr. - how rich exactly are you - Hardenberg. Or maybe on the hardwood, like a commoner?"

"You're not in a position to taunt, Miss Winter," he clicked his tongue before moving on to her right ear and whispering in a voice, so low it made her hairs stand on end. "You have been compromised." Alex's lips moved against the shell of her ear. They weren't kisses exactly but Mia suddenly felt very aware of just how close his body was. His chest hovered inches above her own and his breaths were fire against her temple. She couldn't take much more, every fiber of muscle was pulled taught and her whole body hummed with anticipation.

Mia moved her hand, ready to close the distance but he shook his head. "Ah-ahh, so you do admit defeat? You will have to say the words, otherwise, it won't count." He was still unbearably close to her ear and with every syllable enunciated to the max, goosebumps spread from her chest outwards, leaving her skin tingling. "Do you yield your rights to the couch?"

"No," she looked him dead in the eyes and for a moment she feared he had frozen and would keep her in this position forever. But Just as quickly his pupils dilated and the mischief was crackling in his eyes.

"I see," the corners of his lips twitched and before Mia could brace herself he had attacked her stomach. She gasped for air between laughter and half hysterical screams as he proceeded to tickle every inch of bare skin he could reach. Every attempt to block her body from his hands failed as he was kneeling above with her legs locked between his. The sensory input threatened to prove too much and when Alex finally relented Mia was panting beneath him.

She squinted away the tears that had leaked from her eyes, her chest heaving as she caught her breath; oh yes, even more tears. She would have to double her 2 liter water intake tomorrow.

Above her, Alex was running his hands through his hair, somehow managing to increase its volume even more. The dark spots under his eyes were still visible but the flush spreading from his cheeks made him look less like a worn man and more like an innocent boy. He was beautiful, with his stupid hair, cheekbones worthy of their own spread in Vogue and eyes that could, on one hand, make her stomach lurch, and explode with butterflies the next second. Now, they were fixed on her face, tracing her features from hairline to chin and finally landing on her own.

"Are you alright?" Alex asked and she nodded "More than."

Alex laid down next to her, propped on his side. He pushed stray strands of hair form her face before moving closer and touching his nose to hers with an amount of care that made her heart swell. But Mia, having recovered her heart rate and breathing, pressed her lips firmly together before he could fully close the gap.

Revenge, were revenge was due, she rolled herself on top of him and found that "Well Mr. I have 99 problems and money solves about half, you are quite susceptible to this kind of torture yourself.

Indeed, his abdominal muscles clenched and unclenched under her fingers and after several seconds of silent panting he couldn't hold back the giggles any longer. Laughter proved to be a very potent drug, especially this late in the evening. Once they had started it was impossible to stop. Love couldn't erase the trouble of the last weeks and laughter wouldn't put Björn behind bars or bring Sophie back, but it made them remember how happy they had been in this very apartment and how right it felt have that back.

The giggles bubbled from her lips with an ease she wouldn't have thought possible this morning, and only subsided when her obliques ached from exhaustion. By then, Alex had put his arms around her and pulled her to his chest.

She would hug him close and never let go, Mia decided at that moment. Future Mia's spine would likely protest the choice (or lack of thereof) of a mattress but right there, snug in his arms, she couldn't care less for how sore her back would be in the morning. At least the living room carpet should offer her a discount on the 50 Euro a night Hardenberg Suite.

Mia fell asleep to the sound of Alex's breaths evening out and his chin tucked against her hairline.


End file.
